Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
