where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
