You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
