right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
