he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
