He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
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