So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
