guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Randomize
