I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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