i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
