maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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