So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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