She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
