the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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