I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
