my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
