Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
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