I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
