we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
