Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You dont lie about slip and slides
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
