umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
