We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
