Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
