I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
