Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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