If i come over, it means nothing
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
