just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
