What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
