i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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