I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
