So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
