I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
