I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
