I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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