There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
