She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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