Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
We were destined to go to rehab together
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
