i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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