i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
