so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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