Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
so much tequila, so little girl.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
