It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
this is an emotional support booty call
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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