before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
