just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
