i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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