i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
