dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
