she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
