This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
