you guys were way drunker than both of me
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
